Breastfeeding Confessions

My breasts are off limits
They are food now and I don't know where you're hands have been and most importantly you don't share your food so Boo doesn't have to share his.

I don't care who sees my boobs
I'll pull those puppies out no matter where I'm at and I don't care who I flash.

I don't wear a bra...ever
It became to much of a hassle, I like easy access.

I leave my boobs hanging out a lot
Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with shirts. I try and be pretty good about checking myself if I'm out of the house or have to answer the door though.

I squeeze my breasts all the time
I forget which side is next, or sometimes when we're out I'll feel them to see if Boo is due for a feeding.

Leakage doesn't bother me anymore
If it bothers anyone else tough titty, its my shirt that's wet and I never told you to look. It happens and I'm over it.

I love how breastfeeding has given me confidence that I needed. I have gotten stares from people but all it made me want to do is squirt them with my booby gun. Breastfeeding has empowered me.

Babies could be sleeper agents

Babies seem so cute and harmless how could anybody suspect them of terrorism? That's right I said it. I think they have a hidden agenda to take out one momma at a time. The other day I was having a great day when I noticed Booboo noticing that someone left the bathroom door open. He was doing his fastest monkey crawl to it and I was trying to beat him to shut the door. I swear once I got near him he grabbed my leg he must've been really sick of me and thought it was time to take me really isn't because I'm a klutz. Well I got to the door before him with my face at least. I continued falling to the floor landing on my right pinky and my left elbow. I jumped up once I got my senses back and Boo was sitting behind me smiling. Within minutes my pinky swelled up started bruising and it hurt so bad to move it. That's when I suspected my little Boo was a sleeper I held him hostage and began my plan of torturing him for the truth. First it was the tickle torture...he didn't give anything up though. Then I kissed every inch of his cheeks, he fought back that time he sucked on my nose. By this time I meant business I wanted the truth so I pulled out my secret weapon a clean diaper. I laid him on the floor and told him he had one more chance to tell the truth or else. He wouldn't talk so I proceeded to change his diaper. He ran away. My efforts failed...but if you suspect your baby of terrorism the tickle torture is the best.

Things I just realized

Blogging from my phone sucks. I thought it was great till I realized my pictures were huge when I viewed my blog from my laptop. I guess I'm just disappointed that something that was supposed to be easy has turned into a pain in my ass.

Five disgusting things you didn't want to know about me

1. It's been 4 days since I took a shower.

2. It's been that many days since I brushed my hair.

3. I smell like rotten milk.

4. I have armpit hair.

5. I have not changed my clothes in three days.

Ima slap my neighbor silly

I was reorganizing the freezer today that was my first mistake. I had all the contents sitting on my counter when my precious Boo came in to make sure I was doing a satisfactory job. And his eyes immediately found the ice cream container. He doesn't get ice cream...OK he does but I swear dad started it with me having a cow about it. I picked up the ice cream to put it back and Boo used his banshee scream on me. "No not now" didn't work..."Boo please let me finish just 2 more minutes" was a failure all he cared about was ice cream and he wanted it now. "Fine... You can have your ice cream." Anything as long as it stopped the awful sounds coming from his mouth. While trying to get his spoon of ice cream and begging him to stop that the ice cream was coming I heard a knock at the door and then my neighbor said "what are you doing to that baby" are you flipping kidding me can't you hear I'm preoccupied. "I'm teasing him with his ice cream cause I first had to get it, now I have to tend to the door as he follows me screaming." My neighbor was a bit taken off by my answer but seriously you don't come and knock on someone's door when you hear a baby screaming you'll get to see a pissed off mama that way and if something was wrong you'd know when an ambulance showed up. Boo ended up getting his ice cream finally and sat in the middle of the living room butt bouncing and saying mmmm, his world was perfect once again.

Don't spend a lot of money on toys

My 9 month old has a ton of toys and lots of musical interactive toys. I bought these in hopes to keep Boo entertained so I could sneak away and get chores done. Boy was I wrong. They entertain me, and they entertain the older kids but have done little to entertain Boo for longer than 20 seconds. Kitchen utensils, keys, remote and cardboard boxes are only a few of the things that you will find laying around my house at any given time. Sure he may like them because he sees me use them but I think our babies are trying to teach us something. The other day I was at Big Lots letting the older kids spend their money and I was picking out Boos toy that he would spend his money on. I seen really cool toys that made noise and would make me want to play with them. Then I seen it it was a set, a shape thing where you match the holes to the right size block, stacking rings, and nesting cups. When we got home he played for 20 minutes.

Is he teaching me? Telling me that the "learning toys" that talk and sing to you are a waste of my money. Is he telling me he'd rather hear me tell him the crab is red instead of some weird guy that lives in the toy? Our babies clearly aren't interested in these things, so why do we buy them we pay a lot of money for them so we can have the next Einstein, but how did Einstein become so smart without them? So we can look like "good" parents? Nothing but the best for my baby, there's no amount of money I won't spend and spend we do and waste we have.

I have found Boos favorite toys are blocks that he loves to knock down and loves trying very hard to put them together. The nesting cups, a matchbox car he shouldn't have but found by mistake and I of course couldn't take it away because he was playing exactly how his big brothers played. Sure he has his own cars they're big, colorful, make clicky noises, jingle and if you pull them backwards they go all by themselves. He likes to chew on those he doesn't play "right" with them but give him a boring matchbox car and my living room becomes the Indianapolis 500. He also loves the cardboard diaper box he uses it as a walk behind, 17 years ago I spent $20 on one so my son could learn to walk he didn't like it till he could actually walk though. If I had known a cardboard box could do the trick I would have saved my money.

Do we just think that babies just like kitchen utensils and keys cause we play with them or are they giving us a hint, its not how much you spend its what they can do with it, they can actually play with these things not watch these things play.

The unexplored outdoors

Booboo loves outside, every morning we walk his brothers to the bus stop and Boo looks around quietly and sits in my lap and waits patiently with us. After the bus comes we go back in and he protests loudly with glass breaking banshee type screams immediately followed by boobie and a nap. So today I wait patiently for it to be warm enough to go outside, I got the stroller out which Boo protested loudly to, he wasn't sure what to make of the strange contraption especially after I disappeared once I put him in. But then, we started moving and he sat back and enjoyed the ride. He didn't move an inch, we walked around the block and when we got home I started working in the yard. 3 hours passed before my boobs let me know that Boo was overdue for his feeding, so I thought how wonderful he'd love to eat outside. I was wrong he didn't want nothing to do with it and I got the feeling I was blocking his view of exploring the great outdoors with his eyes. But knowing he needed to eat I brought him inside cause the screaming makes him want comfort. I was wrong, he was pissed and not hungry and wanted back outside. So I ended up staying outside till the boys came home and dealt with my banshee then, and to show me how mad he was at me he refused an afternoon nap, thanks Boo you were joyously pleasant today.

What no one tells you about breastfeeding

I talked a little bit about my own concerns with breastfeeding in my post breastfeeding bliss. But I never got down to the dirty of the actual truth of breastfeeding the truth who my friend Mik never told me about the truth lactation consultants never told me about, everyone made it seem glorious and magical and the most precious time you will ever have with your baby and it really is all those things. But there's a but...there are ugly truths to breastfeeding and I think breastfeeding moms have conspired to hide these truths from new breastfeeding moms so their club can be bigger then the formula fed moms.

It may hurt

No one felt the need to tell me that not only did my precious bundle of joy would cause me an enormous amount of pain while he was coming into this world but he'd hurt me after he was here, why would anyone hide that from me? Oh we started off great Boo was on my tit for like 24 hours straight I didn't sleep he did with my boob in his mouth and god forbid if I took it out, he'd cry and I'd shove my nipple back in and tell here you can have it I wasn't using it anyways. By the next day though my nipples hurt, oh it made me want to cry I used lanolin and questioned my newborn about his cries for wanting to nurse, I'd ask him are sure its not your diaper, you sure you're not cold, you sure you want my boob? The nurses seen how much time he spent on my boob just seeking comfort and my discomfort that they asked if I wanted a binky, I declined nipple confusion all that jazz I'll just grin and bear it. When I got home I figured with me being comfortable things would change it didn't and every time someone said he wants nenen I'd want to cry and I'd go hide myself away so no one would see that I was truly in pain. The next day after coming home I bought a handful of binkies my nipples needed a break. As if all that wasn't bad enough there would come a point during an end of my breastfeeding session where it felt like my boob was completely deflated I thought it would look like a deflated balloon and the more you tried to suck air out of the balloon it would collapse in on itself and this came with an annoying pain. I was to the point that I would snap at Sob for even saying Boo wants nenen. This lasted about 2 weeks I truly wanted to stop breastfeeding I kept thinking this is a nightmare its not wonderful its painful. But when I woke up one day and as I was cringing as I was getting Boo to latch and to my disbelief it didn't hurt I was in my glory and truly enjoyed that breastfeeding session.

Your milk is a laxative

Oh you're baby wakes up from a nap and is wet...SCORE...your boobs are working, be a good mommy and change that diaper so you can feed your hungry baby. And during that feeding you hear ungodly noises coming from the diaper. Are you kidding, how about I just squirt the milk into the diaper it'll save you the work from supposedly digesting it. You're baby will poop every feeding for the first month or two that means every feeding even the 3am feeding.

You're always hungry

Its 10 am and I've already had 4 pieces of French toast, yogurt and a bowl of leftover dinner and I'm still hungry. How breastfeeding is cheaper I'm not sure cause I can probably eat my weight in food everyday. Miraculously I've lost weight I weighed 100 lbs pre baby I'm down to 95 lbs.

The dreaded breast pump

My enemy. This displayed how much milk I could produce. Sob requested I pump at least one bottle a day so he could feed Boo and I thought it would be a good idea to get a milk supply for eventually spending the night with grandma. I started pumping and then I'd start having an anxiety attack I'd get a tiny bit of milk. It took me all day to get a 2 oz. Bottle. I read and read about pumping I asked my friend Mik for tips and she said I never had a problem, nice way to make me feel good. Let's face it I obviously had a mental problem with the stupid thing so after a month of trying I was more then happy to put it on the shelf.

Your boobs are a super soaker

Your poor baby is hungry and you try to latch him on his mouths open he's ready to eat and then you spray him in the eye and he looks at you like wtf was that for. What's even funnier is when he gets older and learns how to spray himself in the face. Oh the giggles that came that day. You'd think he just got the bestest toy in the world

Your nipples stretch like rubber bands

And your husband thinks its funny. Your baby is eating hears a noise and turns his head without letting go of your nipple. You watch your nipple stretch and stretch some more and when they've reached their physical limits they snap back to place, I swear boo makes mine stretch at least 2in. Sob thinks this is hilarious and will sometimes make a noise on purpose just to see how far my nipple will stretch.

They bite

And even without teeth that shit hurts I see the signs pull my nipple out of his mouth say its time to play. Boo starts crying, and I'm the stupid one who gives the boob back, and he chomps down, giggles and then goes back to eating only to do it again. I have tried not to show any reaction but sometimes he catches me by surprise and I yell ow which for some reason makes it even funnier.

You are now a feedbag

If Boo could have it his way he'd be on my boob all day. He eats every hour and a half, he was eating so much his doctor insisted I start food because she thought it would help. Well he eats 3 meals a day numerous snacks and still eats every hour and a half. But by no means is he fluffy, he is bigger then my other babies where at this age but he's a normal size, if truth be told he just loves his nenen. Sometimes I watch him fall on purpose and look at me and start crying I pick him up tell him he's fine and he's giggling while trying to lift my shirt.

They're more clingy

Or at least that's what my doctor said when I complained about Boo constantly needing me, I'm not sure if she was trying to make me feel better about how much he wants to nurse, I never actually looked into that, my doctor had given me a good enough answer so I dropped it but now thinking about it I will research it more sometime.

At the end of the day its all worth it and I wouldn't do it any other way. Every baby wearing moment, cosleeping moment, and breastfeeding moment brings me the most pleasure I have ever felt. I don't get a moment off not even in my sleep and I wouldn't have it any other way. Boo is the most precious thing in the world to me and before I know it this time will be over and I'll miss it so much.

How I loathe 2nd shift

Have you ever tried keeping two hyperactive boys and a baby quiet. Its not possible...Sob has been on 2nd shift for 4 days and I'm ready to pull my hair out or possibly climb the bell tower. Its stressful beyond imagination. I beg and plead for whispers and empty my kitchen of plastic bowls, cups anything Booboo can play with to keep him entertained and from getting bored and crying. By the time the bus gets here I'm ready for a nap because I've ran around shushing everyone. 12 more days...that's all I have left then back to my normal schedule and normal annoyingly loud house.

Breastfeeding Bliss

The day Boo was born was the scariest day ever, of course it is my most cherished moment, it was just scary for other reasons...breastfeeding to be exact. I kept thinking what if I don't make milk, what if I can't get him to latch, what if I starve him. I never breastfed any of my other children it was strictly bottle where I put formula in and it told me how much they ate. I was terrified about this foreign idea but I made a commitment to Sob that I'd try. The first time Boo latched on I didn't enjoy it I kept wondering is he getting something, is my boob working why can't it beep or something to let me know everything is working how it should. I actually didn't enjoy the first few weeks I was always questioning my body, doubting and wondering.

Almost 9 months later and I feel breastfeeding bliss every time he latches on. I also miss the milk drunk days which seem like forever ago. I love these moments together, I love watching him get excited cause he knows what's coming he helps lift my shirt and is latched on before I'm even situated I call him an impatient booger and he stops and smiles and goes to town. When he falls and cries I'll pick him up and hold him hell tug at my shirt letting me know he wants to nurse, but he doesn't really want to nurse he finds my breast comforting. He latches on searches for my hand he'll bring it close to his face and sit for a few minutes until he feels better.
I have found nothing that I have cherished more. I cherish every moment we nurse. The way he looks at me, him saying mmmm in between gulps how he's learned to stop and spray my milk in his face and then he giggles and does it again. I love feeling his hand on my face when we lay down for sleep. The best part is I love spending the time with him and the unbelievable bond we have. I love all my children dearly but there's something different between Boo and I.

Who needs sleep...not I said the momma

Its almost 2 am , crazy I'm still awake but BooBoo has had trouble sleeping since Daddy has went back to work. I don't know why, schedule changes maybe. Whatever it is I'm over it, sitting up in the middle of the night with a baby on my lap suuuucks. I have an itch on the back of my arm that won't stop and I can't reach it. I'm hungry cause I've been sitting here for 2 hours and I can't move I have tried unsuccessfully laying down my little bundle of joy only to end up bouncing around my living room like a mom on crack saying sssshhh and checking all doorways to make sure no one is coming.

The only positive thing that has came from tonight is that I have had plenty of time to think, besides thinking about about forgetting to get the coffee pot ready for the morning. Sobs gonna be pissed when he wakes up for work and has to make coffee, you know what I don't care, I was in a mood today and quite frankly it slipped my mind. I have a love hate relationship with being a stay at home mom I loooove being with BooBoo the thought of being away from him kills me. But I hate staying at home, I feel isolated, under appreciated and under paid....seriously under paid.  I loved working I loved being supermom I had bragging rights. Now the only super power I have is breaking up a fist fight while breastfeeding...I'm so ready to try yoga now I'm sure I've mastered a half dozen poses by now. Its depressing I want my own money, I want my busy life back, yeah the one I used to complain about when I didn't even have time to wipe my ass. I took for granted all the times when I walked into the store and had money to spend or was able to leave the house.

My next step is to try and do something from home that brings in a little bit of cash.

Now if I could figure out how to put my pictures on top from my phone I'd be in there.