To my children with love

Dear children,

There will come a day when you will all move out of the house, the echoes of laughter a pitter patters of feet will be no more. The refrigerator won't be filled with your school papers, there will be no more cute drawings left on the counter for me.

I will probably cry. But most of those tears will be happiness.

You will have your own home in which you take pride in. You will do the best you can to keep it clean after work. I will come to your home and throw legos and small pointy toys strategically all over your home, just wait till you step on one of those it'll feel like a nail going through your foot. I will gleefully pee on your bathroom floor and in the garbage just wait till you step in it. I will squirt the toothpaste all over the bathroom, wipe my butt on your shower curtain, and put poop on your bathroom walls.

I will slam all of your doors, scream through your home, kick your walls and throw every item in my reach around the room. I will use a sharpie to tag your house, stick stickers everywhere and draw on the walls merrily with crayons.

I will break the bed, break a window and break some other stuff just because it's fun. I will steal your phone and sneak into your room while sleeping to play on your laptop, so that way you can wake up and have a heart attack because you think someone broke in like I have many a night.

I will scatter couch cushions and couch blankets, I will throw socks and shoes everywhere, and get food crumbs all over the place. I will spill my drink and not tell you and I will never finish anything you give me.

I will borrow your stuff without asking, I will use all of something and not tell you and that toilet paper you love all soft and dry I will dunk it in the water.

I will talk through your shows, and stand in front of the TV. I will smear all your clean windows and mirrors and wipe my hands on every piece of furniture you have. I will throw my garbage beside the garbage can and everywhere else that's convenient, and I will hide food in the registers. While I'm at it I jam pack those babies with whatever I can find.

I will do this everyday.

For months.

For years.

Paybacks are a bitch.

I love you all very much.
Your loving mom.