Breastfeeding Confessions

My breasts are off limits

They are food now and I don't know where you're hands have been and most importantly you don't share your food so Boo doesn't have to share his.

I don't care who sees my boobs

I'll pull those puppies out no matter where I'm at and I don't care who I flash.

I don't wear a bra...ever

It became to much of a hassle, I like easy access.

I leave my boobs hanging out a lot

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with shirts. I try and be pretty good about checking myself if I'm out of the house or have to answer the door though.

I squeeze my breasts all the time

I forget which side is next, or sometimes when we're out I'll feel them to see if Boo is due for a feeding.

Leakage doesn't bother me anymore

If it bothers anyone else tough titty, its my shirt that's wet and I never told you to look. It happens and I'm over it.

I love how breastfeeding has given me confidence that I needed. I have gotten stares from people but all it made me want to do is squirt them with my booby gun. Breastfeeding has empowered me.

Babies could be sleeper agents

Babies seem so cute and harmless how could anybody suspect them of terrorism? That's right I said it. I think they have a hidden agenda to take out one momma at a time. The other day I was having a great day when I noticed Booboo noticing that someone left the bathroom door open. He was doing his fastest monkey crawl to it and I was trying to beat him to shut the door. I swear once I got near him he grabbed my leg he must've been really sick of me and thought it was time to take me out...it really isn't because I'm a klutz. Well I got to the door before him with my face at least. I continued falling to the floor landing on my right pinky and my left elbow. I jumped up once I got my senses back and Boo was sitting behind me smiling. Within minutes my pinky swelled up started bruising and it hurt so bad to move it. That's when I suspected my little Boo was a sleeper agent...so I held him hostage and began my plan of torturing him for the truth. First it was the tickle torture...he didn't give anything up though. Then I kissed every inch of his cheeks, he fought back that time he sucked on my nose. By this time I meant business I wanted the truth so I pulled out my secret weapon a clean diaper. I laid him on the floor and told him he had one more chance to tell the truth or else. He wouldn't talk so I proceeded to change his diaper. He ran away. My efforts failed...but if you suspect your baby of terrorism the tickle torture is the best.

Things I just realized

Blogging from my phone sucks. I thought it was great till I realized my pictures were huge when I viewed my blog from my laptop. I guess I'm just disappointed that something that was supposed to be easy has turned into a pain in my ass.

Five disgusting things you didn't want to know about me

1. It's been 4 days since I took a shower.

2. It's been that many days since I brushed my hair.

3. I smell like rotten milk.

4. I have armpit hair.

5. I have not changed my clothes in three days.

Ima slap my neighbor silly

I was reorganizing the freezer today that was my first mistake. I had all the contents sitting on my counter when my precious Boo came in to make sure I was doing a satisfactory job. And his eyes immediately found the ice cream container. He doesn't get ice cream...OK he does but I swear dad started it with me having a cow about it. I picked up the ice cream to put it back and Boo used his banshee scream on me. "No not now" didn't work..."Boo please let me finish just 2 more minutes" was a failure all he cared about was ice cream and he wanted it now. "Fine... You can have your ice cream." Anything as long as it stopped the awful sounds coming from his mouth. While trying to get his spoon of ice cream and begging him to stop that the ice cream was coming I heard a knock at the door and then my neighbor said "what are you doing to that baby" are you flipping kidding me can't you hear I'm preoccupied. "I'm teasing him with his ice cream cause I first had to get it, now I have to tend to the door as he follows me screaming." My neighbor was a bit taken off by my answer but seriously you don't come and knock on someone's door when you hear a baby screaming you'll get to see a pissed off mama that way and if something was wrong you'd know when an ambulance showed up. Boo ended up getting his ice cream finally and sat in the middle of the living room butt bouncing and saying mmmm, his world was perfect once again.

Don't spend a lot of money on toys

My 9 month old has a ton of toys and lots of musical interactive toys. I bought these in hopes to keep Boo entertained so I could sneak away and get chores done. Boy was I wrong. They entertain me, and they entertain the older kids but have done little to entertain Boo for longer than 20 seconds. Kitchen utensils, keys, remote and cardboard boxes are only a few of the things that you will find laying around my house at any given time. Sure he may like them because he sees me use them but I think our babies are trying to teach us something. The other day I was at Big Lots letting the older kids spend their money and I was picking out Boos toy that he would spend his money on. I seen really cool toys that made noise and would make me want to play with them. Then I seen it it was a set, a shape thing where you match the holes to the right size block, stacking rings, and nesting cups. When we got home he played for 20 minutes.

Is he teaching me? Telling me that the "learning toys" that talk and sing to you are a waste of my money. Is he telling me he'd rather hear me tell him the crab is red instead of some weird guy that lives in the toy? Our babies clearly aren't interested in these things, so why do we buy them we pay a lot of money for them so we can have the next Einstein, but how did Einstein become so smart without them? So we can look like "good" parents? Nothing but the best for my baby, there's no amount of money I won't spend and spend we do and waste we have.

I have found Boos favorite toys are blocks that he loves to knock down and loves trying very hard to put them together. The nesting cups, a matchbox car he shouldn't have but found by mistake and I of course couldn't take it away because he was playing exactly how his big brothers played. Sure he has his own cars they're big, colorful, make clicky noises, jingle and if you pull them backwards they go all by themselves. He likes to chew on those he doesn't play "right" with them but give him a boring matchbox car and my living room becomes the Indianapolis 500. He also loves the cardboard diaper box he uses it as a walk behind, 17 years ago I spent $20 on one so my son could learn to walk he didn't like it till he could actually walk though. If I had known a cardboard box could do the trick I would have saved my money.

Do we just think that babies just like kitchen utensils and keys cause we play with them or are they giving us a hint, its not how much you spend its what they can do with it, they can actually play with these things not watch these things play.

The unexplored outdoors

Booboo loves outside, every morning we walk his brothers to the bus stop and Boo looks around quietly and sits in my lap and waits patiently with us. After the bus comes we go back in and he protests loudly with glass breaking banshee type screams immediately followed by boobie and a nap. So today I wait patiently for it to be warm enough to go outside, I got the stroller out which Boo protested loudly to, he wasn't sure what to make of the strange contraption especially after I disappeared once I put him in. But then, we started moving and he sat back and enjoyed the ride. He didn't move an inch, we walked around the block and when we got home I started working in the yard. 3 hours passed before my boobs let me know that Boo was overdue for his feeding, so I thought how wonderful he'd love to eat outside. I was wrong he didn't want nothing to do with it and I got the feeling I was blocking his view of exploring the great outdoors with his eyes. But knowing he needed to eat I brought him inside cause the screaming makes him want comfort. I was wrong, he was pissed and not hungry and wanted back outside. So I ended up staying outside till the boys came home and dealt with my banshee then, and to show me how mad he was at me he refused an afternoon nap, thanks Boo you were joyously pleasant today.