To my children with love

Dear children,

There will come a day when you will all move out of the house, the echoes of laughter a pitter patters of feet will be no more. The refrigerator won't be filled with your school papers, there will be no more cute drawings left on the counter for me.

I will probably cry. But most of those tears will be happiness.

You will have your own home in which you take pride in. You will do the best you can to keep it clean after work. I will come to your home and throw legos and small pointy toys strategically all over your home, just wait till you step on one of those it'll feel like a nail going through your foot. I will gleefully pee on your bathroom floor and in the garbage just wait till you step in it. I will squirt the toothpaste all over the bathroom, wipe my butt on your shower curtain, and put poop on your bathroom walls.

I will slam all of your doors, scream through your home, kick your walls and throw every item in my reach around the room. I will use a sharpie to tag your house, stick stickers everywhere and draw on the walls merrily with crayons.

I will break the bed, break a window and break some other stuff just because it's fun. I will steal your phone and sneak into your room while sleeping to play on your laptop, so that way you can wake up and have a heart attack because you think someone broke in like I have many a night.

I will scatter couch cushions and couch blankets, I will throw socks and shoes everywhere, and get food crumbs all over the place. I will spill my drink and not tell you and I will never finish anything you give me.

I will borrow your stuff without asking, I will use all of something and not tell you and that toilet paper you love all soft and dry I will dunk it in the water.

I will talk through your shows, and stand in front of the TV. I will smear all your clean windows and mirrors and wipe my hands on every piece of furniture you have. I will throw my garbage beside the garbage can and everywhere else that's convenient, and I will hide food in the registers. While I'm at it I jam pack those babies with whatever I can find.

I will do this everyday.

For months.

For years.

Paybacks are a bitch.

I love you all very much.
Your loving mom.

OMG I lost the baby

Did you see where he went?

S1: why are you looking at me I was eating

S2: me too

Me: of course my luck you pick now to do what you're told

I looked everywhere and couldn't find him then S2 yells he's behind the couch he's coming out.

Are you kidding me???? Oh he came out alright sticking his tongue out and giggling his I'm up to no good kinda way and ran around the couch to do it all over again...who needs to buy expensive tunnels to crawl through? This way he's guaranteed his brothers will never roll him around in it.

I still think you're perfect

Tomorrow morning Boo me and you will go to the opthalmologist because you might have a lazy eye. I wonder if you do how do you see the world, how do you see me. This isn't a big deal I know but I lay here tonight feeling sorry for you. I know you hate strangers and especially men and this guys going to be all up in your grill. I wish I could do it for you, I wish your world would be filled with fairies, rainbows and farting unicorns. I promise tomorrow after the doctor we'll go feed the ducks.

It won't be long...but not today

Dear Boo,

You turn 10 months old today and I feel sad, you've been walking for two months, you already show such independence that it makes me miss the little boy I gave birth to. I want to rewind and live these ten months over again, I want you to be a newborn again and hit pause and linger in those first few days when you were brand new, I know I'll never get to and I do love you as you are right now. I savor every day with you I linger in it at night after you're long asleep because I know I'll miss it tomorrow. I miss everyday that has passed.

You haven't said your first words yet and I'm in no hurry for you too. Your babbles are to precious to rush. It won't be long when you are talking and I will enjoy that too...but not today.

I love snuggling with you while we sleep, I love even more when you sleep between me and daddy and we all sleep together. It won't be long till you want your own bed...but not today.

I love our bath time together we play with toys you walk all over the tub without fear of falling. You throw your toys out of the tub then you're sad when I can't reach them. Eventually you'll have to stop being scared of being in the tub by yourself. Eventually you'll think mom takes up too much playing room it won't be long that you'll be bathing by yourself...but not today.

You love nursing you throw yourself in my lap and try to lift my shirt and you giggle because you're excited. You want your cuddle time, or your sip and go. It won't be long and you won't breastfeed anymore, one day you won't be my nursling and I'll cry that day...but not today.

One day you'll grow up, one day mommy won't be able to kiss away booboo's, one day before I know it you'll be a handsome little boy. You'll go to school, you'll have friends, playing with mommy won't be fun, and you won't rely on me for everything. I'm not rushing it I'm trying to savor every passing moment, I will never take it for granted because it won't be long till your next milestone to show you're getting older...and thankfully it won't be today.

I love you my precious baby boy to the moon and back.

I breastfeed spontaneously don't look if it makes you uncomfortable

So today I was looking up something about breastfeeding...I don't remember what it was anymore but I came across teaching you're nursling manners...huh never thought of that. Well I wanted to know what other people thought of it and I came across some blogs that talked about breastfeeding manners and breastfeeding etiquette again things I never thought much of. I got pissed off, use a cover, don't just whip out your boob and go sit in the corner. I mean really.

Look I don't want anyone seeing my boobs anymore then you want to see my boobs. But you don't want to hear my screaming baby either because if I let my baby scream while I get my cover find a corner to go sit my fat ass in you'd blog about the ridiculous mom who had a screaming baby and was so inconsiderate to others feelings around her. Its a lose lose for me.

My boobs are my babies food I'm sorry this makes some people uncomfortable, actually I'm not sorry again they are my babies food and I'm proud of it. I'm proud that I know every ingredient going into my babies body. Have you read a formula can? I have and I can't pronounce most of the words on it. Before I say this let me say I bottle fed 3 of my children I have nothing against it. People do it for many reasons. Now let me go on, our bodies naturally make milk to feed a baby just like animals. Why are breastfeeding moms constantly being chastised and told they make people feel uncomfortable. Next time I see a formula feeding mom should I walk up to her and say your bottle makes me uncomfortable please use a cover and sit in the corner. I mean really shouldn't it be that way her body didn't produce the formula, its not natural. Nobody takes the kittens away from their mom and says mommy milk is bad drink this yummy delicious can stuff instead. No we all say aaawww look at those kittens with their momma how precious. OH THATS RIGHT my boobs are sexual the cats aren't. And the saying if you got em flaunt em is OK and appreciated by most guys but if you're breastfeeding go sit in a corner you're gross and I don't care if I get a chance to see your nipple. It still baffles me.

For those who don't know how to react around a breastfeeding mom, let me clue you in. I didn't notice you prebreastfeeding, I didn't notice you noticing my cleavage bearing shirt, too tight pants or short skirts. I notice even less of those around me when it comes to taking care of my baby. I'm more worried about making his crying stop so I don't irritate those around me. I'm more worried about getting him on my boob quickly so I don't make people around me uncomfortable cause I left my nipple for the world to see for to long. I don't notice you period. So why are you noticing me? I get it I have a crying baby everyone has to look because everyone wants me to shut him up, and at this point if you were minding your business instead of being a lookie loo you would never see my sexual forbidden parts come flopping out of my shirt.

Look the bottom line is I try and be discreet, not for anyone else that's for sure, but for myself. Breastfeeding is for me and Boo and a cover separates us. I don't want people seeing my boobs but it happens get over it. You see more boobage in movies then you will ever see from me. Just so you know I don't tell you to stop scratching your balls and ass, or adjusting the boys, picking your nose or getting out of your car with your shirt off and women I don't tell you to put on more clothes, to stop picking wedgies or adjusting your boobs. So I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't tell me when, where and how to breastfeed.

The doctor visit from hell

I prepared the best any mother could prepare I had all the necessities I was doing this alone so I needed to make sure Boo was prepared. I knew taking a baby to my annual pap smear wouldn't be fun but I had no other choice.

We waited in the waiting room forever and luckily Boo made a friend, he was a grandpa looking man who made faces and cheered 20 minutes later when he got a half cocked smile. I was thankful to this man because of him Boo was happy to sit still. But then the man left us and immediately following that Boo was bored so I let him play with my camera he loves watching himself and unknowingly took pictures of himself. He giggled and found himself in the gallery and flicked through all the pictures, he was absolutely amazed.

When it was my turn I had high hopes, I had a plan and Boo was in a good mood. I get back to the exam room put the stroller right next to the bed, disrobed and sat on the bed with the pile of toys. Everything was great the doctor came in and Boo cracked a smile for her. I lay back on the table she grabbed my arm and Boo started screaming like someone was killing him or me. I put my free arm down to comfort him and he wrapped both arms around me with his fiercest death grip. Oh he screamed the whole time, but as soon as she stopped touching me he stopped. Thankfully she was a good sport and just said "boy someone is very protective over his momma." If she only knew, he won't even let daddy touch me.

Moms wishes for her children

I hope you will always be filled with love. You have a heart use it. I hope you share that love with others around you. Most people deserve it.

I hope you always remember family comes first. They're the ones who will help you up and dust you off when you fall...and you will fall. And we'll be standing by with ice cream when you do.

I hope you learn to lose graciously and win without bragging. Play to play. Especially in life no one keeps score in life except spoiled brats and you aren't

I hope you get what you want just enough but not enough to make you unappreciative. Respect everything you have.

I hope you realize life is unfair and to live happy anyways. There will always be people who have wealth and things handed to them. There will always be people who have things they don't deserve. Don't let it discourage you.

I hope you dream big, I hope you reach for the stars, I hope you realize you're the only one who sets limits for yourself. You can do anything.

I hope you have fun. Laugh. Live with meaning and live loud. Explore, life isn't about sitting at home watching TV, life is to be lived.

I hope you begin and end every relationship with dignity and honour. Don't leave a relationship because its easy either. People fight deal with it. Don't stay in a relationship because its easier either. You need to know which is the right choice at the end of the day.

I hope you're not a coward, I hope you stand up to bullies, I hope you stand up for someone else who's being bullied, looking the other way is just as bad as being the bully. I hope you're never the bully and if I catch you being the bully I will hold you and let them have a couple gos at you.

For my sons...please never be the creepy old guy chasing around barely legal young girls. Women your age will talk about you and laugh at you and call you the creepy old guy. And if you're in your 50s she's not interested in you cause your hot she wants to know how fat your wallet is.

For my girls...never marry for money. Don't marry a doctor or lawyer because you will be rich. You'll end up being unhappy and having cocktails with breakfast. Marry for love regardless of what their bank account looks like.

I hope you fear just enough to keep you safe. There are fun things in life and stupid please don't do the stupid.

I hope you remember that I'm always here no matter what. I will always love you, regardless of the choices you make. I will love if you're right or wrong, my love is unconditional.

Rules for fathers of sons

1. Love his mother

It is from you that he will learn how to be a husband. Be compassionate when necessary, love with all your heart and respect her. He is watching you every moment, be the kind of husband you want him to be.

2. Teach him to fight

Teach him how to be brave, how to stand up for himself. Wrestle with him, let him show you how strong he is and show him how strong you are. Most importantly teach him when to stand up for himself and when to walk away.

3. Tell him you love him

Tell him all the time that you love him even when you're angry...especially when you're angry.

4. Teach him how to play catch

Because all boys need to learn.

5. Let him wear your clothes

Let him pretend to be you, because there's no one else that his mom wants him to be like.

6. Teach him it's okay to cry

It's okay to teach them to be strong and manly, but they also need to know its okay to cry.

7. Listen

Even when he has nothing to say.

8. Teach him how to work

Let him change the oil, cut the grass and build a birdhouse. Teach him how to get his hands dirty.

9. Teach him to choose his battles

Teach him every battle isn't worth the fight. But without doubt your family is.

10. Talk about sex

Because its just embarrassing coming from mom.

11. Teach him that mom always has the answers

Even if she doesn't

12. Be his hero

You may not be able to fly or climb walls but you are his hero anyway. There's no one better then daddy.

13. Teach him to be a father

Tell him there's nothing better then being his dad, tell him how proud you are to be his father. And hope one day he will be a great father to.

14. Kiss him while he sleeps

One day to soon will you miss being able to give him kisses.

15. Teach him not to settle

Especially with love and motorcycles

16. Teach him to be have fun

They need to learn how to dance in the kitchen in their underwear. How to laugh and love life. They need to know that life can be fun.

Breastfeeding Confessions

My breasts are off limits

They are food now and I don't know where you're hands have been and most importantly you don't share your food so Boo doesn't have to share his.

I don't care who sees my boobs

I'll pull those puppies out no matter where I'm at and I don't care who I flash.

I don't wear a bra...ever

It became to much of a hassle, I like easy access.

I leave my boobs hanging out a lot

Sometimes I wonder why I even bother with shirts. I try and be pretty good about checking myself if I'm out of the house or have to answer the door though.

I squeeze my breasts all the time

I forget which side is next, or sometimes when we're out I'll feel them to see if Boo is due for a feeding.

Leakage doesn't bother me anymore

If it bothers anyone else tough titty, its my shirt that's wet and I never told you to look. It happens and I'm over it.

I love how breastfeeding has given me confidence that I needed. I have gotten stares from people but all it made me want to do is squirt them with my booby gun. Breastfeeding has empowered me.

Babies could be sleeper agents

Babies seem so cute and harmless how could anybody suspect them of terrorism? That's right I said it. I think they have a hidden agenda to take out one momma at a time. The other day I was having a great day when I noticed Booboo noticing that someone left the bathroom door open. He was doing his fastest monkey crawl to it and I was trying to beat him to shut the door. I swear once I got near him he grabbed my leg he must've been really sick of me and thought it was time to take me out...it really isn't because I'm a klutz. Well I got to the door before him with my face at least. I continued falling to the floor landing on my right pinky and my left elbow. I jumped up once I got my senses back and Boo was sitting behind me smiling. Within minutes my pinky swelled up started bruising and it hurt so bad to move it. That's when I suspected my little Boo was a sleeper agent...so I held him hostage and began my plan of torturing him for the truth. First it was the tickle torture...he didn't give anything up though. Then I kissed every inch of his cheeks, he fought back that time he sucked on my nose. By this time I meant business I wanted the truth so I pulled out my secret weapon a clean diaper. I laid him on the floor and told him he had one more chance to tell the truth or else. He wouldn't talk so I proceeded to change his diaper. He ran away. My efforts failed...but if you suspect your baby of terrorism the tickle torture is the best.

Things I just realized

Blogging from my phone sucks. I thought it was great till I realized my pictures were huge when I viewed my blog from my laptop. I guess I'm just disappointed that something that was supposed to be easy has turned into a pain in my ass.

Five disgusting things you didn't want to know about me

1. It's been 4 days since I took a shower.

2. It's been that many days since I brushed my hair.

3. I smell like rotten milk.

4. I have armpit hair.

5. I have not changed my clothes in three days.

Ima slap my neighbor silly

I was reorganizing the freezer today that was my first mistake. I had all the contents sitting on my counter when my precious Boo came in to make sure I was doing a satisfactory job. And his eyes immediately found the ice cream container. He doesn't get ice cream...OK he does but I swear dad started it with me having a cow about it. I picked up the ice cream to put it back and Boo used his banshee scream on me. "No not now" didn't work..."Boo please let me finish just 2 more minutes" was a failure all he cared about was ice cream and he wanted it now. "Fine... You can have your ice cream." Anything as long as it stopped the awful sounds coming from his mouth. While trying to get his spoon of ice cream and begging him to stop that the ice cream was coming I heard a knock at the door and then my neighbor said "what are you doing to that baby" are you flipping kidding me can't you hear I'm preoccupied. "I'm teasing him with his ice cream cause I first had to get it, now I have to tend to the door as he follows me screaming." My neighbor was a bit taken off by my answer but seriously you don't come and knock on someone's door when you hear a baby screaming you'll get to see a pissed off mama that way and if something was wrong you'd know when an ambulance showed up. Boo ended up getting his ice cream finally and sat in the middle of the living room butt bouncing and saying mmmm, his world was perfect once again.

Don't spend a lot of money on toys

My 9 month old has a ton of toys and lots of musical interactive toys. I bought these in hopes to keep Boo entertained so I could sneak away and get chores done. Boy was I wrong. They entertain me, and they entertain the older kids but have done little to entertain Boo for longer than 20 seconds. Kitchen utensils, keys, remote and cardboard boxes are only a few of the things that you will find laying around my house at any given time. Sure he may like them because he sees me use them but I think our babies are trying to teach us something. The other day I was at Big Lots letting the older kids spend their money and I was picking out Boos toy that he would spend his money on. I seen really cool toys that made noise and would make me want to play with them. Then I seen it it was a set, a shape thing where you match the holes to the right size block, stacking rings, and nesting cups. When we got home he played for 20 minutes.

Is he teaching me? Telling me that the "learning toys" that talk and sing to you are a waste of my money. Is he telling me he'd rather hear me tell him the crab is red instead of some weird guy that lives in the toy? Our babies clearly aren't interested in these things, so why do we buy them we pay a lot of money for them so we can have the next Einstein, but how did Einstein become so smart without them? So we can look like "good" parents? Nothing but the best for my baby, there's no amount of money I won't spend and spend we do and waste we have.

I have found Boos favorite toys are blocks that he loves to knock down and loves trying very hard to put them together. The nesting cups, a matchbox car he shouldn't have but found by mistake and I of course couldn't take it away because he was playing exactly how his big brothers played. Sure he has his own cars they're big, colorful, make clicky noises, jingle and if you pull them backwards they go all by themselves. He likes to chew on those he doesn't play "right" with them but give him a boring matchbox car and my living room becomes the Indianapolis 500. He also loves the cardboard diaper box he uses it as a walk behind, 17 years ago I spent $20 on one so my son could learn to walk he didn't like it till he could actually walk though. If I had known a cardboard box could do the trick I would have saved my money.

Do we just think that babies just like kitchen utensils and keys cause we play with them or are they giving us a hint, its not how much you spend its what they can do with it, they can actually play with these things not watch these things play.

The unexplored outdoors

Booboo loves outside, every morning we walk his brothers to the bus stop and Boo looks around quietly and sits in my lap and waits patiently with us. After the bus comes we go back in and he protests loudly with glass breaking banshee type screams immediately followed by boobie and a nap. So today I wait patiently for it to be warm enough to go outside, I got the stroller out which Boo protested loudly to, he wasn't sure what to make of the strange contraption especially after I disappeared once I put him in. But then, we started moving and he sat back and enjoyed the ride. He didn't move an inch, we walked around the block and when we got home I started working in the yard. 3 hours passed before my boobs let me know that Boo was overdue for his feeding, so I thought how wonderful he'd love to eat outside. I was wrong he didn't want nothing to do with it and I got the feeling I was blocking his view of exploring the great outdoors with his eyes. But knowing he needed to eat I brought him inside cause the screaming makes him want comfort. I was wrong, he was pissed and not hungry and wanted back outside. So I ended up staying outside till the boys came home and dealt with my banshee then, and to show me how mad he was at me he refused an afternoon nap, thanks Boo you were joyously pleasant today.

What no one tells you about breastfeeding

I talked a little bit about my own concerns with breastfeeding in my post breastfeeding bliss. But I never got down to the dirty of the actual truth of breastfeeding the truth who my friend Mik never told me about the truth lactation consultants never told me about, everyone made it seem glorious and magical and the most precious time you will ever have with your baby and it really is all those things. But there's a but...there are ugly truths to breastfeeding and I think breastfeeding moms have conspired to hide these truths from new breastfeeding moms so their club can be bigger then the formula fed moms.

It may hurt

No one felt the need to tell me that not only did my precious bundle of joy would cause me an enormous amount of pain while he was coming into this world but he'd hurt me after he was here, why would anyone hide that from me? Oh we started off great Boo was on my tit for like 24 hours straight I didn't sleep he did with my boob in his mouth and god forbid if I took it out, he'd cry and I'd shove my nipple back in and tell here you can have it I wasn't using it anyways. By the next day though my nipples hurt, oh it made me want to cry I used lanolin and questioned my newborn about his cries for wanting to nurse, I'd ask him are sure its not your diaper, you sure you're not cold, you sure you want my boob? The nurses seen how much time he spent on my boob just seeking comfort and my discomfort that they asked if I wanted a binky, I declined nipple confusion all that jazz I'll just grin and bear it. When I got home I figured with me being comfortable things would change it didn't and every time someone said he wants nenen I'd want to cry and I'd go hide myself away so no one would see that I was truly in pain. The next day after coming home I bought a handful of binkies my nipples needed a break. As if all that wasn't bad enough there would come a point during an end of my breastfeeding session where it felt like my boob was completely deflated I thought it would look like a deflated balloon and the more you tried to suck air out of the balloon it would collapse in on itself and this came with an annoying pain. I was to the point that I would snap at Sob for even saying Boo wants nenen. This lasted about 2 weeks I truly wanted to stop breastfeeding I kept thinking this is a nightmare its not wonderful its painful. But when I woke up one day and as I was cringing as I was getting Boo to latch and to my disbelief it didn't hurt I was in my glory and truly enjoyed that breastfeeding session.

Your milk is a laxative

Oh you're baby wakes up from a nap and is wet...SCORE...your boobs are working, be a good mommy and change that diaper so you can feed your hungry baby. And during that feeding you hear ungodly noises coming from the diaper. Are you kidding, how about I just squirt the milk into the diaper it'll save you the work from supposedly digesting it. You're baby will poop every feeding for the first month or two that means every feeding even the 3am feeding.

You're always hungry

Its 10 am and I've already had 4 pieces of French toast, yogurt and a bowl of leftover dinner and I'm still hungry. How breastfeeding is cheaper I'm not sure cause I can probably eat my weight in food everyday. Miraculously I've lost weight I weighed 100 lbs pre baby I'm down to 95 lbs.

The dreaded breast pump

My enemy. This displayed how much milk I could produce. Sob requested I pump at least one bottle a day so he could feed Boo and I thought it would be a good idea to get a milk supply for eventually spending the night with grandma. I started pumping and then I'd start having an anxiety attack I'd get a tiny bit of milk. It took me all day to get a 2 oz. Bottle. I read and read about pumping I asked my friend Mik for tips and she said I never had a problem, nice way to make me feel good. Let's face it I obviously had a mental problem with the stupid thing so after a month of trying I was more then happy to put it on the shelf.

Your boobs are a super soaker

Your poor baby is hungry and you try to latch him on his mouths open he's ready to eat and then you spray him in the eye and he looks at you like wtf was that for. What's even funnier is when he gets older and learns how to spray himself in the face. Oh the giggles that came that day. You'd think he just got the bestest toy in the world

Your nipples stretch like rubber bands

And your husband thinks its funny. Your baby is eating hears a noise and turns his head without letting go of your nipple. You watch your nipple stretch and stretch some more and when they've reached their physical limits they snap back to place, I swear boo makes mine stretch at least 2in. Sob thinks this is hilarious and will sometimes make a noise on purpose just to see how far my nipple will stretch.

They bite

And even without teeth that shit hurts I see the signs pull my nipple out of his mouth say its time to play. Boo starts crying, and I'm the stupid one who gives the boob back, and he chomps down, giggles and then goes back to eating only to do it again. I have tried not to show any reaction but sometimes he catches me by surprise and I yell ow which for some reason makes it even funnier.

You are now a feedbag

If Boo could have it his way he'd be on my boob all day. He eats every hour and a half, he was eating so much his doctor insisted I start food because she thought it would help. Well he eats 3 meals a day numerous snacks and still eats every hour and a half. But by no means is he fluffy, he is bigger then my other babies where at this age but he's a normal size, if truth be told he just loves his nenen. Sometimes I watch him fall on purpose and look at me and start crying I pick him up tell him he's fine and he's giggling while trying to lift my shirt.

They're more clingy

Or at least that's what my doctor said when I complained about Boo constantly needing me, I'm not sure if she was trying to make me feel better about how much he wants to nurse, I never actually looked into that, my doctor had given me a good enough answer so I dropped it but now thinking about it I will research it more sometime.

At the end of the day its all worth it and I wouldn't do it any other way. Every baby wearing moment, cosleeping moment, and breastfeeding moment brings me the most pleasure I have ever felt. I don't get a moment off not even in my sleep and I wouldn't have it any other way. Boo is the most precious thing in the world to me and before I know it this time will be over and I'll miss it so much.

How I loathe 2nd shift

Have you ever tried keeping two hyperactive boys and a baby quiet. Its not possible...Sob has been on 2nd shift for 4 days and I'm ready to pull my hair out or possibly climb the bell tower. Its stressful beyond imagination. I beg and plead for whispers and empty my kitchen of plastic bowls, cups anything Booboo can play with to keep him entertained and from getting bored and crying. By the time the bus gets here I'm ready for a nap because I've ran around shushing everyone. 12 more days...that's all I have left then back to my normal schedule and normal annoyingly loud house.

Breastfeeding Bliss

The day Boo was born was the scariest day ever, of course it is my most cherished moment, it was just scary for other reasons...breastfeeding to be exact. I kept thinking what if I don't make milk, what if I can't get him to latch, what if I starve him. I never breastfed any of my other children it was strictly bottle where I put formula in and it told me how much they ate. I was terrified about this foreign idea but I made a commitment to Sob that I'd try. The first time Boo latched on I didn't enjoy it I kept wondering is he getting something, is my boob working why can't it beep or something to let me know everything is working how it should. I actually didn't enjoy the first few weeks I was always questioning my body, doubting and wondering.

Almost 9 months later and I feel breastfeeding bliss every time he latches on. I also miss the milk drunk days which seem like forever ago. I love these moments together, I love watching him get excited cause he knows what's coming he helps lift my shirt and is latched on before I'm even situated I call him an impatient booger and he stops and smiles and goes to town. When he falls and cries I'll pick him up and hold him hell tug at my shirt letting me know he wants to nurse, but he doesn't really want to nurse he finds my breast comforting. He latches on searches for my hand he'll bring it close to his face and sit for a few minutes until he feels better.

I have found nothing that I have cherished more. I cherish every moment we nurse. The way he looks at me, him saying mmmm in between gulps how he's learned to stop and spray my milk in his face and then he giggles and does it again. I love feeling his hand on my face when we lay down for sleep. The best part is I love spending the time with him and the unbelievable bond we have. I love all my children dearly but there's something different between Boo and I.

Who needs sleep...not I said the momma

Its almost 2 am , crazy I'm still awake but BooBoo has had trouble sleeping since Daddy has went back to work. I don't know why, schedule changes maybe. Whatever it is I'm over it, sitting up in the middle of the night with a baby on my lap suuuucks. I have an itch on the back of my arm that won't stop and I can't reach it. I'm hungry cause I've been sitting here for 2 hours and I can't move I have tried unsuccessfully laying down my little bundle of joy only to end up bouncing around my living room like a mom on crack saying sssshhh and checking all doorways to make sure no one is coming.

The only positive thing that has came from tonight is that I have had plenty of time to think, besides thinking about about forgetting to get the coffee pot ready for the morning. Sobs gonna be pissed when he wakes up for work and has to make coffee, you know what I don't care, I was in a mood today and quite frankly it slipped my mind. I have a love hate relationship with being a stay at home mom I loooove being with BooBoo the thought of being away from him kills me. But I hate staying at home, I feel isolated, under appreciated and under paid....seriously under paid.  I loved working I loved being supermom I had bragging rights. Now the only super power I have is breaking up a fist fight while breastfeeding...I'm so ready to try yoga now I'm sure I've mastered a half dozen poses by now. Its depressing I want my own money, I want my busy life back, yeah the one I used to complain about when I didn't even have time to wipe my ass. I took for granted all the times when I walked into the store and had money to spend or was able to leave the house.

My next step is to try and do something from home that brings in a little bit of cash.

Now if I could figure out how to put my pictures on top from my phone I'd be in there.

A blog...what's that

"How can you blog about me mommy...my greatest accomplishments are in my diaper?"

"My dear BooBoo mommy has plenty to talk about."

"If you say so, I'm still not convinced."